Begging to be "Chosen" and the Good Girl Wound
The Train That Was Never Going Your Way: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Queens
"Chasing after being chosen is like running after a train that was never going to your destination in the first place."
I wrote these words today, and they hit me like lightning.
Anything that allows me to sink my teeth deeper into the wounding that leads so many of us on a never-ending quest to feel "chosen" always does.
That narrative is so prevalent in our subconscious, so embedded in our hearts, minds, and bodies, that we unknowingly go looking for this validation in every interaction, leaving us bereft of true power, personal liberation, and ultimately, the intimacy we think we'll gain by earning that elusive stamp of approval.
“The seal of the chosen one”
The one that decries how special you are.
The one that promises, once you receive it, you’ll never feel alone, unseen, unworthy, or abandoned ever again.
But are these promises true?
In my experience, these are all echoes and whispers of a world long-desired for yet deeply embedded in the land of falsehood that so deeply connects with the wounds of the Divine Feminine we all carry inside our very souls.
Which, is my poetic way of saying that these words are nothing but smoke and mirrors, and that, when we go chasing after the idea of the promise of being “chosen”, not only do we obliterate ourselves, but we erase every vestige of abundance, autonomy, and personal sovereignty we are most decidedly meant to inherit in this life.
So let’s talk a little bit more about…
The Exhausting Chase for Gold Stars
How much time, energy, and effort have you poured into "earning" the gold star of "chosen" from people in your life who, in all honesty, don't even see you as worthy of anything more than "putting up with"?
People whom you were never even meant to welcome into your precious energy to begin with.
Because here's the thing: We waste so much of our lives running after these people, these ideas, these dreams that we think will somehow grant us a very special label of validation to prove that we are special and worthy. Yet all the while, those very people have been devoid of import in our world until we choose to give them the ultimate access to (and authority over) us.
Ouch… Yeah, that one hurts like hell.
And I want to make something clear, I’m not saying (nor would I ever say) that if you’re being mistreated, or even if you’re finding that you’re replicating a certain pattern in relationships, it is your fault. Not at all! I actually hate that notion, and proactively have been speaking up against perpetuating this narrative under the guise of psychological or spiritual “healing” by saying things like “You attract these people or situations because___” … Yeah, fuck that shit. No, I’m not saying that at all.
What I am saying, and what I want to deepen in this conversation today, is that by entering into an energetic relationship with a person (or a thing) in our lives from whom we are begging to receive the oh so coveted label of “chosen one”, we are in effect, giving those people, places and situations full reign over our lives, and we are all worth so much more than that.
I mean, truly, you are not here to be a beggar or a slave, and I think the sooner this truth can become an undeniable fact in our realities, the better.
In this particular instance, that need to be approved of smacks of one of the deepest wounds of the Divine Feminine:
The "Good Girl" Wound
The one that most matches the frequency of self-abnegation, self-dismissal, self-depreciation, and self-refusal that best accompany a sense of "If I do this, if I work hard enough for it, if I keep __, they'll finally see me, and I will be chosen once and for all"—that destroys our very spirits.
This collective wound is keeping so many of us small.
It whispers that we need to be perfect, agreeable, and constantly proving our worth. It tells us that our value comes from how well we can please others, how seamlessly we can disappear into the background, how little space we take up.
It demands that we look to others for the sense of pride that we can one hundred percent received when we are in connection with and in relationship with our true selves, and it frankly takes away our ability to stand up for ourselves, leaving us in a realm of lack, and self-invalidation so putrid, we can very easily get lost in someone else’s perception, demands, and expectations of us.
The Ancient Secret of the Priestesses
But what if I told you that you were never meant to be chosen?
🔥 What if I shared with you the ancient secret the priestesses of the Goddess were taught as they learned to honor themselves as sacred?
Namely, that you weren’t meant to be chosen, but rather, YOU were meant to be the one doing the choosing? 🔥
Your Divine Feminine essence doesn't need external validation to exist. It doesn't need approval to shine. Or permission to take up space in this world.
The train you've been chasing after with such rampant desperation it feels like you’ve been completely devoid of air? It was never going to your destination.
Your destination is wherever you decide to go, on your own terms, in your own power, properly attuned to your own personal sovereignty.
And the sooner you learn to honor this innate wisdom, the more expeditious your manifestations, the more soul-felt your desires, the more intimate your relationships, and the more fulfilling your life.
Because putting aside the need to be chosen allows you to honor your personal sovereignty and your unique talent to create. And in that creation, you can embed the most wonderful of narratives.
In that realm of birth, you can generate the fuel that alights the kind of life that never feels void of the things you long for most. Not because your life is perfect and nothing ever goes wrong, nor even because all your dreams come true with the snap of a finger.
But because in this realm, you learn to rule with potency, with authority, with radical ownership and unrelenting love, and the kind of discernment that will allow you not to chase, but to choose. And in that choosing, your magnetic field will be activated like never before.
And before you know it, come rain or shine, you will forever know yourself worthy of receiving:
No need to perform
No need to go chasing
No need to beg for something, someone out there to "choose" you
Forget that, darling queen, you were meant for more, and the sooner you see that, the more delightful your life will become.
I'll leave you with some of the questions that stirred within as soon as these words dropped into my field today, in hopes they serve a deeper exploration of your heart's desire to be chosen in this life, so that you can re-frame this lack-based energy and infuse it with the kind of life that bears the ripest fruit all around:
Where are you still seeking external approval, and what do you believe this receiving will bring and/or look like in your life?
How does it feel when that approval (or "choosing") doesn't come?
What values and boundaries are you willing to compromise to keep others happy, and why?
In what ways do you feel you need to prove your worth?
It's time to stop running after trains and start building your own railroad, don't you think?
What train have you been chasing? What would building your own railroad look like for you? I'd love to hear your reflections in the comments.